Sunday, February 20, 2011

Epiphanies and Wife Hunting?

I made it back from my vacation in one piece and my hope of coming home refreshed and renewed was a reality. Mostly.

I took the earliest train ever home from the city Saturday morning. I needed to spend Saturday packing and moving the rest of my big stuff out of Prince Charmings house.

I made it through the experience without crying, puking, yelling, or saying more then 5 words to him. In fact I didn't even look at him. We just existed in the same space for 2 hours.
You see, Prince Charming is a closet alcoholic. I didn't know until it had reached its worst and everything ended. I don't see the man I once did. I still find it all pretty astounding.
But as I was driving away from the house I was feeling mighty numb and then I realized something.
He never deserved me in thefirst place and his memory does not deserve to own me now.
His inadequacies are not mine.
His short comings are not my responsibility.
His mistakes are not my fault.
His vices are not mine and his sins are no longer mine to bare the shame of.

An epiphany.
I felt a sudden physical and emotional release.
A weight was lifted.
I'm not broken.
I'm ok.


So I did what any unbroken pretty newly single girl would do.

My sister and I got gussied up and went out to dance away the memory of it all.

We met up with some Roller Derby Girls and danced and drank cheap beer.
We crashed the favorite hangout bar of my ex Mr. Nice Guy, made some friends, made Mr. Nice Guy pretty mad, and let men buy us drinks.
And after a very VERY fun night of dancing and drinking, I made a ridiculous drunk interesting choice.

I had my sister drop my off at The Neighbors house.

The Neighbor and I have been friends for a couple of years. Hes a single dad, not too much older than me, who lives around the corner and is good for a quiet movie night, a kid friendly sleepover, or a good bonfire every so often.

I let myself drunkenly quietly into his house, shed the coat and shoes, and quietly crawled into "my side of the bed" and went to sleep.

Well luckily for me hes mighty good humored because this morning he woke me with the smell of coffee.
"Um, Good night last night?"

"I didn't drink enough to forget anything" I groaned. "And I don't know why I came here."

"Because you love my bed, my coffee, and me. Now get up. We're going to look at a house with my sister."

And so we did. He dragged me around town with him and his sister, made me pork tenderloin for a late lunch, and didn't complain when I snored my way through the Daytona 500 on TV. He just let me be quiet, and feel normal. He let me use the shower, and gave me a clean tshirt to wear.

But I realized today, The Neighbor is Wife Hunting. Hes never been married and hes starting to feel like hes missing something.
Hes adding an office and 5th bedroom onto the house so when he marries someone with kids, there will be enough space.
Hes remodeling the master closet into "his" and "hers" sides, and putting 2 sinks in the master bath.
He spent 20 minutes explaining how his kitchen is perfect for his future wife.
And mentioned that hes taking applications for the position.

Was he speaking in general or is he trying to hint?
He wants to take the kids to Disney world. I better come so his daughter isn't out numbered.
He wants to know if I'm comfortable in the house.
Do I want to go to his parents for dinner?

I took it as my cue to hike back through the snow towards home to wait for my boys to arrive.

I'm seriously unprepared to date.


Lilly said...

Whoaaaa Bessie! He may or may not be hinting, but it's clear what he wants. Um hello, he's remodeling his house for a wife and family he doesn't even have yet, let alone a girlfriend! Which is fine, and I guess normal (I'm not one to comment on what's normal, of course), but if that's not what you're looking for, I'd say scale it back. Everything is fun and casual at first, but with people who want a committed relationship, it's bound to get serious at some point. For better or worse.

Also, isn't it amazing to realize that your pain and suffering is not your fault? The only thing you did was subject yourself to it, which you can't even deem a mistake or fault. You fell in love, that's it. I could physically feel your relief when I read it!

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